4 posts tagged “sleep”

Flower Eclipse

I woke up about a half an hour ago and I can't sleep. I'm dead tired, but I can't. THE SUN ISN'T EVEN UP YET.

I have to admit, I'm kind of excited to see the sunrise, but still.. There's something very wrong about being up earlier than I was on most school days, during the summer.

Disneyland was what I expected, for the most part. Just like Great America, except everything is tied together and realistic and neat to look at, though the rides themselves aren't especially thrilling. The best rides were in California Adventure, and I only got to go on two before we had to shove over.

Pirates of the Caribbean was probably the funniest ride, though, because there was this black kid behind us that said the funniest things. He was like, "Damn, that's a real rock! I touched it, and it's definitely real!" But you just had to hear him. That ride was also the one that was the coolest if you ignored the fact that there was hardly anything exciting happening, especially the room with the big ship that fired cannons.

The bus ride home was the strangest thing. I was one of the first people to get back onto the bus, and when I sat down I just leaned my head against the glass and the next thing I knew I opened my eyes and people were talking about the people who we were waiting for, Caitlin and Crystal. I must have actually been in deep sleep then, because I was so confused when I woke up. Phoebe was sitting next to me and I let her have the window seat because I'd had it the whole way there, and then.. After that, it was really on and off. It was hard to fall asleep on Phoebe's shoulder because I felt bad even though I knew she didn't mind, but there was nowhere else to put my head. I love to keep track of things like how much I sleep and how much I eat, but I really have no idea how much I slept. It was really disorienting, like entering a time portal or something. The ride home was really disorienting, especially after I got enough deep sleep to not be tired enough to fall asleep on Phoebe's shoulder anymore, and then I just tried to focus my eyes enough to read or stared at the endless blond fields.

It was strange to see the sun rise and know I hadn't slept at all. It's funny because it's not like I was tired when I got home, I just felt off. When I came home the first thing I did was eat some actual food, and shower, but after even those things didn't make me feel "right" I figured I should probably go to bed. So I went to bed at 6pm and woke up at 8am. When you sleep that much, it doesn't even feel good. My back and neck ached and I couldn't breathe out of my nose.

Now I'm just frustrated because my parents let my seedlings dry out and probably left my fish tank light on overnight according to the layer of blue-green algae on the sand.

Ugh, and this computer is so god damn slow... I can't fucking wait to get my laptop. I just wish it was a graduation gift instead of a leaving for college gift.

I don't know what it is, but I haven't been in the mood to post lately. It's kind of like how a lot of writers wish they had a terrible, angsty childhood because it would better their writing. There just isn't a whole lot of inspiration towards writing pages and pages about how happy someone is.

Today I took the Entry Level Mathematics test. It was ridiculously easy, but what was weird was seeing all of these people who were my age but I didn't know. I'm so used to seeing the same faces every day, then I'm thrown into a room where I know no one and yet there are many potential friends here (I saw one guy in a Humboldt shirt) and it's just.. strange. Everyone seemed unsure of how to act, except for one blond idiot in the back who talked about how he fell off the top of a golf cart. It's like, we're stuck in our teenage mindsets, but most of us are smart enough to know how to be mature, so we don't really know how to act. Do we keep up that judgmental barrier, or are we friendly and try to talk to others?

I know that there's always been more people than those at San Marin, but it was really refreshing to see physical proof that there are still people I haven't met. What's funny is a lot of people came with their parents. I was the only person I saw who drove myself, and it made me feel good. The test itself was pretty easy. There were a few I couldn't figure out and just guessed, but it wasn't extremely stressful. However, I did so much math in my head that the rest of the day I've been seeing equations. I can still remember the numbers I multiplied and all the long division I had to do by hand (no calculators).. It's freaky.

Other than that, things have been going well. I wake up at 6am everyday nowadays and it really makes a day good. Sleeping in leaves me so lazy and heavy and unmotivated for the whole day, but getting up not only gives me extra time, but I tend to sleep better and am motivated to get shit done. I think waking up with the sun and not after it catalyzes a lot of good energy for me. Plus I can't help but love it when I call someone and accidentally wake them up and then think wow, while you were sleeping I had breakfast, took a shower, cleaned my room and watched some TV.

Today I stuck around at lunch and hung out with Phoebe and Hannah and Jessie, and it was fun. I really don't hang out with people anymore, and I think I need to start or I'm going to forget how to have friends and end up like some weird, old cat lady with an overgrown garden. Though I think even with friends I'd like to have an overgrown garden. They're cooler than trimmed because plants shouldn't be organized, and they're much cooler than plain old dirt.

I've been going to the gym really regularly lately, and it's not so much a battle anymore. I just go. It's great not to care what people think. A lot of the time I go with hairy legs and it's great. Fuck society! Smooth legs are nice, but hairy legs aren't going to kill me. Hopefully I'll eventually have the strength to go on a run where I don't quit ten minutes in and just walk off the trail and sit by some creek and think deep thoughts. I tend to do that a lot when I run on trails alone. Then I feel bad because I wasted all this time and didn't actually exercise.

I think I take life way too seriously. Jessie always gets frustrated when she's telling me some story and I have to make some deep, meaningful comment about the nature of the world or something. It's sad though because I don't feel like I have enough of those kinds of conversations with people.

Anyways.. star testing is going to be awesome. We'll only have to be at school for like, three classes a day. The sleeping in part doesn't really appeal to me. I'm probably still going to get up at 6 everyday, because I hate waking up and feeling like half the day is already gone. Anton always talks about how he sleeps in until 1pm on the weekends like it's really hardcore to lay in your bed when the rest of the world is actually getting shit done. Yeah, you're really cool.