17 posts tagged “school”

Sundays are great. I've done nothing but sit around and re-read the Host, which is the best even though I've already read it. I also finally got my computer to let me upload pictures and so I now have a Flickr account where I can put everything and keep the files from cramping up my memory.

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I was surprised I got so much as one award, so it's an understatement to say that I was shocked to get three awards. Honestly, if people could see in my head, I don't think they'd be so easy to give me awards. Mrs Nic giving me that Biology award felt kind of good, seeing as I really am interested in it and I like to understand it, though it's more likely because I was nice to her than because she recognized my fairly secretive but genuine interest.

Art club and tech I expected. It seems like the few things I do invest my time in, the results are tangible. It makes me feel better about myself, though I can only wonder how long into summer until the doubt creeps back in.

Tomorrow's Disneyland. I'm actually kind of glad to be on the blue bus, because I do have Phoebe to hang out with and I also discovered that Lizzie and Nick Paris are on the blue bus too, so I figure we can just form a geek squad in the back against all the cool people, even though Phoebe and Lizzie are probably cooler than Nick and I. I kind of wish we could have gone to Great America instead, because they actually have sick rides, but whatever. A senior trip is a senior trip.

What's funny is there were a few mix ups today with getting a yearbook, and when I eventually got one my mom was all surprised. She said she didn't ever pay for one, even though I swear I remember her texting me saying she did.. Anyways, that's super chill if I got one for free. :3

In other news, I'm excited for Humboldt!! I want to start a countdown, but I don't really have time to count the calendar right now. I should probably pack for Disneyland.

It's weird to think it's all over. I was just getting used to being a senior, and in a little over a week I'm not even going to be a high schooler anymore. Today I said to Lucas, "Hey, next year we're both going to be freshman!" and he laughed.

First of all, fuck yes! I am so ready to be done with this. Unbelievably ready. I think I was ready halfway through sophomore year. I'm not going to cry at graduation because I'm sorry but, I really didn't have fun in high school. I mean, freshman year was a roller coaster ride - scary, but fun in a thrilling way. Then I killed it during the summer, and no year of high school could ever compete. Sophomore year was okay. Cross country was fun that year and I did actually feel like I still had people I could trust and that liked me. Junior year was basically terrible, because on top all the tests and college prep pressures, I had a bunch of social drama to deal with which resulted in a big loss of trust in humankind altogether. So this year I've kept from getting attached. I viewed everything as if through the eyes of an observer, and really filtered out a lot of my emotions in place for logic. Logic works. I love it now.

Senior year itself wasn't so bad, but it really wasn't amazing either. I just did a lot of wisting for the past and craving for the future. There are individuals who have made this year tolerable and even something enjoyable - Maria, Akiko, Mica, Elliot are who I think of off the top of my head. The things I am going to remember fondly are trips to the city with my asians, practically living in the darkroom and partying with the photo kids on wednesdays and planting subliminal messages about megatron all throughout the classroom, going to ihop after musicals..

I'm so excited for Humboldt. I say it everyday, but I think about it everyday. I already know exactly where my room is, and I've actually found the facebooks of a few of the guys in the suite next to ours. I can't wait to live with my peers, to be able to go on runs in redwood forests whenever I want, to meet new people, to see the McKinnon clan whenever I want, to have a laptop, to take classes I care about, to be independent!

In other news, I'm totally exhausted and I still have that essay from hell (aka Berb's class) to write. Uggga.

It's weird to think it's all over. I was just getting used to being a senior, and in a little over a week I'm not even going to be a high schooler anymore. Today I said to Lucas, "Hey, next year we're both going to be freshman!" and he laughed.

First of all, fuck yes! I am so ready to be done with this. Unbelievably ready. I think I was ready halfway through sophomore year. I'm not going to cry at graduation because I'm sorry but, I really didn't have fun in high school. I mean, freshman year was a roller coaster ride - scary, but fun in a thrilling way. Then I killed it during the summer, and no year of high school could ever compete. Sophomore year was okay. Cross country was fun that year and I did actually feel like I still had people I could trust and that liked me. Junior year was basically terrible, because on top all the tests and college prep pressures, I had a bunch of social drama to deal with which resulted in a big loss of trust in humankind altogether. So this year I've kept from getting attached. I viewed everything as if through the eyes of an observer, and really filtered out a lot of my emotions in place for logic. Logic works. I love it now.

Senior year itself wasn't so bad, but it really wasn't amazing either. I just did a lot of wisting for the past and craving for the future. There are individuals who have made this year tolerable and even something enjoyable - Maria, Akiko, Mica, Elliot are who I think of off the top of my head. The things I am going to remember fondly are trips to the city with my asians, practically living in the darkroom and partying with the photo kids on wednesdays and planting subliminal messages about megatron all throughout the classroom, going to ihop after musicals..

I'm so excited for Humboldt. I say it everyday, but I think about it everyday. I already know exactly where my room is, and I've actually found the facebooks of a few of the guys in the suite next to ours. I can't wait to live with my peers, to be able to go on runs in redwood forests whenever I want, to meet new people, to see the McKinnon clan whenever I want, to have a laptop, to take classes I care about, to be independent!

In other news, I'm totally exhausted and I still have that essay from hell (aka Berb's class) to write. Uggga.

So I got an 80/80 on my ELM, which really just shows that it was kind of pointless for me to take. It makes me happy, though.

I'm super excited for Humboldt. I have my dorm in Cypress, which are the most awesomest because they're basically mini-houses and you don't have to share a bathroom with a whole row of rooms, just with your house mates. I'm ready to move in today. This might be the first summer I actually want to be shorter!

One thing I can't decide on is whether I should bring Sly or my fish tank. I've kept fish for a long time now and I like having a fish tank to look at, but the reality is that it'll be a pretty big hassle when I leave for breaks and stuff like that. Sly, on the other hand, will be really easy to transport. As long as I give him something to bury in and keep warm, I could practically transport him in my pocket. Plus he can go a long while without eating and his tank requires hardly any care.

I guess I just decided it for myself. It's a bummer, because while I'm gone it's likely that my family will just let my fish tank die and fall to pieces, but ah well. I doubt I'll get a dorm sophomore year, and so I can always keep a fish tank in whatever apartment I rent.

Another thing I'd like to do is Humboldt has a bunch of these outdoor trips before school starts. One I'm looking into is a weekend where we'd kayak out to a campsite and spend the night. It's only $70, and they rent all the equipment and stuff. Like, that's awesome. I'm just kind of scared that I'll sign up and because I don't know anyone I'll get really shy and quiet. I wish it was more easy for me to be confident.

In other news, school still sucks. For the past few days I'd had this really gut-wrenching nervous feeling, due to how behind I am in school and the lurking threat of losing credits, but looking forward and focusing on what's to come has made me feel better. I can't wait for summer, but more than that, I can't wait to be in college. :]

I have the ability to be completely infuriated with my school and yet too lax to really care whatsoever. It's kind of like superheated water. The temperature is enough to boil, but it just sits there smooth and innocent looking, because there's no friction in the container to allow the bubbles to form for it to boil.

I might not get to graduate, because I might end up losing credit in Berb's class for all my truancies. Something inside me said I should maybe feel a bit panicked, or worried, but I just kind of laughed. I mean, kids who got straight Ds and drank themselves drooling dumb every week end get to graduate, but a goody-two-shoes girl has to go to summer school because her fucked up school system is jinking her credits because her parents can never manage to call her in sick when she is? It's ridiculous. All I can do is laugh. It might be kind of fun to go to graduation just to watch, just to see how people react when I'm sitting with the audience and not wearing the hideous golden tablecloth my parents paid $30 for.

What's great is I had no idea. My mom showed me a paper saying I had three truancies, and the date was May 5th. I know I've skipped school since then, not including senior ditch day, and so it's not hard for me to believe that I've earned the five truancies to get to lose my credits. So, the attendance office has the time to call me down and say how I shouldn't leave without coming in and saying goodbye because it's such a big scary world out there I might die driving home and they might actually have to be responsible for something. I can totally understand how IMPORTANT that is, I mean especially compared to such unimportant things like whether I can graduate or whether I can go to college next year. So, of course, no need to call me down to the office to warn me about silly things like that.

On top of that, teachers are giving out homework still and I can't do it. I can't even bring myself to copy homework from other people anymore. It just doesn't matter to me anymore. Nothing does - but high school is definitely lower on the list. I know I should care, and I'm a little worried about how I really don't care, but nothing's going to change. If San Marin is going to be the one to pull the plug on my life and throw me for some forced changes, so be it. It has to happen sooner or later. Obviously I'm beyond self-improvement, so it's probably going to take some near-death experience to get me to give a shit at this point.

In happier news, Andre got two Robo dwarf hamsters today. They're are the stupidest, most adorable things you'll ever see. There's a fat one named Penny and a skinny one named Melly, who's completely obsessed with the wheel. She hasn't gotten off of it since we put her in the cage.

So this weekend was epic. Prom, then hanging out in the city, then Smash at Mica's house, then the beach.

Prom itself was.. eh. I just don't like things like that and I don't want to, either. Dancing is embarassing and mostly awkward on my part, and I'm glad I didn't now, on account of how many pictures Berb took of people dancing. I mean, I can dance for about ten seconds and then I run out of moves. The meals sucked and though the chocolate fountain was amazing it was so rich I about threw up after just one chocolate covered strawberry. I think the one thing I'll remember about prom was how cold it was. I'm walking around in a dress without socks or a jacket or anything, and it's freezing. Catching the taxi was death. I nearly got hypothermia.

The next morning we walked around Union Square and found this bitchin' jewelry store and this bitchin' natural soap store where I destroyed the sample body jelly they had because I thought you were supposed to take pieces off. Hahahaha it was really embarassing, but more funny than that. Then we went to Urban Outfitters and stared at amazing clothing I'll never own and then Mica and Aki and I went to Japan town and geeked it up and had an amazingly amazing lunch and dessert. I'm really bummed the manga cafe was closed though.

After that we bussed it home. The whole transportation part was surprisingly easy - usually it seems so stressful running around with ten miles of map in my hands and bus times and arguing about streets and transfers, but this time we just asked one person, jumped on that bus, got there and hung out, walked to the other bus stop, had the bus pull up practically moments later, got on, and arrived at home.

Mica always writes those posts about Smash, and I played it at her house and it was super fun. I was trying a bunch of these random characters because I didn't want to have a "girly" character like Mica was telling me about, but eventually I had to go back to good ol' Kirby. I freaking love Kirby. He's really easy to pwn people with, plus I'm just used to him. All of my childhood we played the N64 version, and Soy would always be Pikachu and I would always be Kirby. Good times...

The next day I went to the beach with Cheyanne and Sara for senior ditch day. It was awesome. We pigged out in the warm sand and then ran down and raced each other to find sand dollars. Cheyanne found like ten little ones but I found the only big one, so I think I won. She also found this awesome crab shell, but I accidentally crushed it with my hand when I was sitting on the blanket. It was really funny, but sad too, because it was so perfect and cool. I ran in the water until my feet hurt from the cold, and Cheyanne showed me how to catch these awesome little crab bug things that I never knew existed before. Then on the drive home we stopped and had a delicious meal at some random little restaurant and then we encountered all the intense traffic from the commuters being rerouted to the back roads because of that accident. It was freaky to see the usually empty streets turned into parking lots.

So yeah, fun weekend. I have a bunch of pictures I wanted to put up, but I can't find the charger for my camera, and because it's too retarded to charge off the computer, I either have to find it or buy a new one.

I'm super tired now, though. I'm sunburned from the beach and straight up sick of school. I still haven't written Berb's essay that was due yesterday, and I don't know if I ever will. I honestly don't give a shit at this point. I have at least a B if not an A, so I'm not too worried. The eye doctor told me I'm nearsighted today. Go figure, all the reading I do. Who needs to see street signs anyways?

I don't know what it is, but I haven't been in the mood to post lately. It's kind of like how a lot of writers wish they had a terrible, angsty childhood because it would better their writing. There just isn't a whole lot of inspiration towards writing pages and pages about how happy someone is.

Today I took the Entry Level Mathematics test. It was ridiculously easy, but what was weird was seeing all of these people who were my age but I didn't know. I'm so used to seeing the same faces every day, then I'm thrown into a room where I know no one and yet there are many potential friends here (I saw one guy in a Humboldt shirt) and it's just.. strange. Everyone seemed unsure of how to act, except for one blond idiot in the back who talked about how he fell off the top of a golf cart. It's like, we're stuck in our teenage mindsets, but most of us are smart enough to know how to be mature, so we don't really know how to act. Do we keep up that judgmental barrier, or are we friendly and try to talk to others?

I know that there's always been more people than those at San Marin, but it was really refreshing to see physical proof that there are still people I haven't met. What's funny is a lot of people came with their parents. I was the only person I saw who drove myself, and it made me feel good. The test itself was pretty easy. There were a few I couldn't figure out and just guessed, but it wasn't extremely stressful. However, I did so much math in my head that the rest of the day I've been seeing equations. I can still remember the numbers I multiplied and all the long division I had to do by hand (no calculators).. It's freaky.

Other than that, things have been going well. I wake up at 6am everyday nowadays and it really makes a day good. Sleeping in leaves me so lazy and heavy and unmotivated for the whole day, but getting up not only gives me extra time, but I tend to sleep better and am motivated to get shit done. I think waking up with the sun and not after it catalyzes a lot of good energy for me. Plus I can't help but love it when I call someone and accidentally wake them up and then think wow, while you were sleeping I had breakfast, took a shower, cleaned my room and watched some TV.

Tomorrow I have my interview at the Marine Mammal Center. I'm nervous. Things like interviews freak me out because I'm really bad at thinking on the spot and people tend to assume a pause means that I'm trying to make up an answer when really I'm just trying to remember how to form a sentence.

For a lot of my interviews at Starbucks I was trying to be what they wanted, and I didn't like how that felt. So this time I'm going to just be honest. Besides, it's not like my life depends on this volunteer position at the MMC. If I don't get it - so what. There'll be many other chances for me to get a little experience of a biologist's career when I get to Humboldt.

My mom and Andre and I went to the beach to the other day, and on the way there she was saying that majoring in Philosophy was pointless and stupid. I read an article that proved a really good point about how it was the major for all jobs, but of course I lost it. So now I'm not so sure anymore. It's funny because every now and then someone will ask me, "What's your major gonna be?" and since I get so tired of saying that I don't know, I usually just blurt out the idea of the moment. Biology, philosophy, graphic design, you name it.

I seem to jump between stuff with computers/science, and stuff with writing/philosophy. The difference is that the sciences will actually give me that "purpose" I feel like I need. Writing.. not so much.

Today Ms Mo asked if I'd be art club president in the case that Lizzie decides not to do it anymore. I only know that Lizzie and her haven't really been getting along for some reason. It seems like the reasons for the conflict are different on either side, but then again I don't know all that much and am not too interested in getting tangled up in it. I had a feeling that it would come to something like this, and a few times I wondered if I should just call an art meeting myself so we can actually get some things done, but that might have crossed boundaries that would get me tangled in that drama.

I can't tell you why she asked me. Ms Mo never gave me the impression that she really liked me. I don't think she really realizes how much I am trying in that class, because me trying is about the same as a normal person not doing anything. When people say nice things too much, it begins to seem fake, and that's the feeling I get from her sometimes. I don't know whether she likes me for me or whether she just wants to like me, wants to find a friend in me but keeps getting stopped by my lack of conversation skills.
 
Where do people get the idea that I'm fit to be a leader? I walk around with my eyes on the ground and my brain in the clouds and I don't say hi all the time, I'm disorganized and often lazy too, but every now and then someone walks out of the blue and asks me to be a stage manager or an art club president. I don't think I even look like a leader - some people kind of just have that look, you know? I just look like I don't see enough sun or know which end of a hairbrush to hold.

I can count my redeeming qualities on one hand, and that's on a good day, so sometimes I don't really know why I'm as lucky in life as I am. I guess it's all about timing. I'm just there, I'm always just around without really a purpose, so people can use me like a blank canvass for whatever they need at the moment. And that's who I am, just a bunch of paintings made by other people. I don't know how I feel about that.