5 posts tagged “prom”

So this weekend was epic. Prom, then hanging out in the city, then Smash at Mica's house, then the beach.

Prom itself was.. eh. I just don't like things like that and I don't want to, either. Dancing is embarassing and mostly awkward on my part, and I'm glad I didn't now, on account of how many pictures Berb took of people dancing. I mean, I can dance for about ten seconds and then I run out of moves. The meals sucked and though the chocolate fountain was amazing it was so rich I about threw up after just one chocolate covered strawberry. I think the one thing I'll remember about prom was how cold it was. I'm walking around in a dress without socks or a jacket or anything, and it's freezing. Catching the taxi was death. I nearly got hypothermia.

The next morning we walked around Union Square and found this bitchin' jewelry store and this bitchin' natural soap store where I destroyed the sample body jelly they had because I thought you were supposed to take pieces off. Hahahaha it was really embarassing, but more funny than that. Then we went to Urban Outfitters and stared at amazing clothing I'll never own and then Mica and Aki and I went to Japan town and geeked it up and had an amazingly amazing lunch and dessert. I'm really bummed the manga cafe was closed though.

After that we bussed it home. The whole transportation part was surprisingly easy - usually it seems so stressful running around with ten miles of map in my hands and bus times and arguing about streets and transfers, but this time we just asked one person, jumped on that bus, got there and hung out, walked to the other bus stop, had the bus pull up practically moments later, got on, and arrived at home.

Mica always writes those posts about Smash, and I played it at her house and it was super fun. I was trying a bunch of these random characters because I didn't want to have a "girly" character like Mica was telling me about, but eventually I had to go back to good ol' Kirby. I freaking love Kirby. He's really easy to pwn people with, plus I'm just used to him. All of my childhood we played the N64 version, and Soy would always be Pikachu and I would always be Kirby. Good times...

The next day I went to the beach with Cheyanne and Sara for senior ditch day. It was awesome. We pigged out in the warm sand and then ran down and raced each other to find sand dollars. Cheyanne found like ten little ones but I found the only big one, so I think I won. She also found this awesome crab shell, but I accidentally crushed it with my hand when I was sitting on the blanket. It was really funny, but sad too, because it was so perfect and cool. I ran in the water until my feet hurt from the cold, and Cheyanne showed me how to catch these awesome little crab bug things that I never knew existed before. Then on the drive home we stopped and had a delicious meal at some random little restaurant and then we encountered all the intense traffic from the commuters being rerouted to the back roads because of that accident. It was freaky to see the usually empty streets turned into parking lots.

So yeah, fun weekend. I have a bunch of pictures I wanted to put up, but I can't find the charger for my camera, and because it's too retarded to charge off the computer, I either have to find it or buy a new one.

I'm super tired now, though. I'm sunburned from the beach and straight up sick of school. I still haven't written Berb's essay that was due yesterday, and I don't know if I ever will. I honestly don't give a shit at this point. I have at least a B if not an A, so I'm not too worried. The eye doctor told me I'm nearsighted today. Go figure, all the reading I do. Who needs to see street signs anyways?

The rain today was nice. The moment I mentioned it Ali said something about prom, but I could care less about prom, really. The only reason I get anxious is because of how much everyone else cares about it. I don't, personally, but as always I get more wound up by other people's opinions than by my own.  I just laid on my bed with the window open and read Wuthering Heights and listened to the rain and didn't think about dresses or shoes or make-up or hair. It felt soul-cleansing.

I'm going to jinx it, but I feel happy. Yesterday, I was sitting in my room watching House and Elliot called and said we should hang out and I said yes and we did. We took some pictures and explored scary places under bridges and wild places through overgrown trails and I think I enjoyed it more than I'll enjoy prom. People say fun and most humans think parties, big crowds, fast cars, extreme sports.. I mean, I like those things occasionally, but the most enjoyment come to me from those spontaneous, quiet little moments with maybe one or two people. I can't put into words the beauty of a moment of silence between friends, or the feeling of kinship knowing that we don't need an agenda or a plan to have a good day.

I know I said I'd like to do Japanese at COM over the summer, but I'm reconsidering. Really, I don't watch anime or read manga very much anymore, and because of that I've lost a lot of passion I had towards learning the language. Besides, it's not going to be all sugar and sunshine.. It's still a class, with studying and homework and tests, and I don't think I want to do that this summer. On top of that, I want to do things. I want to go on camping trips and visit family without having to worry about what I'll miss.

The biggest thing though, is I plan to get a job. I'm tired of bumming money off my parents and I figure if I'm going to do something with my free time I might as well be getting paid for it. :]

I'm dreading prom. I just want to get it over with. At this point, it's just become something I "have" to do, like a class. Sure, I was the one who chose to sign up for the class in the first place, but that doesn't mean I'm excited to take the finals. Plus, I know I'd feel worse if I didn't go, as much pain as preparing for prom is bringing me.

Today I got shoes. First I found a pair at Ross. Ali brought them over and they fit and were okay, but they were a bit too strappy. For some reason, the way certain straps are on high heels kind of grosses me out. I like shoes that look like friendly, pretty houses for my feet, not shoes that looks like some sort of torture device. These shoes looked nice though, and they were cheap, so I got them.

Then we were in Petaluma at Kmart, and Ali wandered into the shoe section. She seriously has a problem with this. Any store, any time, she'll go to the shoe section and put on all the weirdest shoes she can find. I happened to find a pair of heels that had practically the exact same front design as the ones I already had, but minus the back strap. The heel is a bit thicker and overall the shoe is a bit comfier and better. I got them too, and brought both pairs home to my mom.

Immediately she pointed out the ones with the straps around the heel and said those would be better, because I could dance in them more easily. I said I don't dance, and she acted like I just said I was impregnated by an alien and I'd like to keep the baby. You'd think after all the dances, homecomings, etc, that I haven't attended, she would have figured that out by now. I tried to explain that no one danced anymore, they just humped each other to the beat of music.

I'm not girly. I like my shoes flat and tough, I like to be outdoors, I like creepy things like spiders and snakes, and I don't like dancing. I don't like dressing up, doing make-up, doing hair, or talking about any of that.

Against Ali's opinion, against my mom's opinion, against the shoes I know people will admire more, I'm going to pick the clunky, comfortable ones. Why would I put myself through the pain of the other shoes? To look good when no one's looking? To feel good when I could care less what I look like? No, I'll be ugly and feel better, thanks.

If I wanted, I could have a date to prom. I was talking to Jessie today and she just couldn't imagine going without a date - even if she had to go with some strange, quiet boy. I know a few people I could've have asked and that might've said yes. There was one underclassmen who, when he heard I didn't have a date, said "I'd ask you if I could." And I was just like "Awh..............." Cue awkward silence. I just can't take things so lightly. This underclassman, he's a wonderful kid and I love him to death, but I don't really know him.

I just think it would be weird. I mean, why do I even deserve a date? Why the hell does anyone like me? It baffles me day to day when someone will out of the blue invites me somewhere. I really treat the people in my life like shit sometimes. I don't keep in touch, I forget to write thank you cards, and even when I really care about someone I'm too fucking scared to say anything about it. I used to really admire people who were "strong," which were basically emotionless, stone-people if you will.. but nowadays the people I really admire are the ones who cry in public, say what they feel, and fight for what they care about even if they look like the biggest idiots in the world doing it.

I'm really curious as to how I appear to other people. Once a few years ago someone told me I was intimidating, and I've never forgotten it. I'd rather be intimidating than just a shy loser, so I try to hold onto that one little comment and convince myself. Caitlin told me that before she knew me she thought I was going to be a weirdo. I was like uh, and how did meeting me disprove that at all?

Oh, okay, funny story.

Today I took allergy medicine before school, and when I got to English I was like about to die from how tired I was. I thought maybe it had to do with only getting 4 1/2 hours of sleep the night before, but even then I've never been this tired before. Like, I was sitting there trying really hard to listen to Berb because he was talking about AP test stuff, but I couldn't even keep my eyes open. It was really scary. Like, uncontrollable, almost.

So I came home early because on top of that I was really dizzy and didn't want to sit through a bunch of classes we weren't going to do anything in, and when I got home my mom said, "Dad says you've been staying up really late. If you can't get to sleep, you should just take some of those chewable allergy pills to help you sleep." I was like WHAT. THEY WERE NIGHT TIME. I should probably ask for help from someone who can actually read next time I overdose on children's medication, I think.

So yeah. I haven't really had a lot to post about.. I've sort of adopted my brother's neglected Gameboy Advance recently, because he's too cool for school and too cool to play Pokemon Emerald anymore. Seriously, fuck what people think. That game rocks. And having something to do during drama rehearsal is pretty awesome, too. ;D

So I've been thinking again. Me and my silly brain, I know.

And really, I don't think what most people call beautiful is true blue beauty. I mean, you look at a picture of a waterfall or a cherry blossom tree in the wind and you think that yes, that's beautiful, but it's such a shallow feeling. You see the tree for its pretty petals and you appreciate it for that, but you forget the rest of it. You forget the roots yards deep into the ground, you forget that the flowers will later become a small, insignificant drupe, you forget the birds that might have nested in that tree and the people who've had to rake up all its petals and leaves. You forget that it's a living thing, surviving in a world where movement is generally a vital survival aspect.

I don't think real beauty is the kind you can see. You just kind of feel it. And I think real beauty is a shy essence, and that it takes a lot to really bring the real beauty of something out into the open so you can appreciate it. It's like in photography, you can take a picture of a Sakura tree and the springtime petals might dazzle, but you're missing its real beauty. It's difficult to find just the right angle, just the right distance from something to really show that deeper bit. And that's with a tree - imagine trying to capture that in a person. I have a real admiration of people who can photograph humankind well. It's not just point and click.

Today we were talking about prom in Econ and I actually started to get a little excited. Cheyenne is so organized and on that shit, it's amazing. In the beginning I was apprehensive about not being able to enjoy myself because I won't have a date, but it's not really that bad now that I think about it. I'm just going to have a good time anyways. Fuck guys, just fuck guys, let's just dance! (Dane Cook reference. I actually hate dancing.)

After school I went on a photo shoot with Elliot and Zach, and it was cool. We took the back roads to Petaluma and after I dropped them off at fencing I drove back through the back roads by myself and it was really relaxing. I love driving. Especially on curvy roads through the hills and forests. There's nothing better.