High school.

I have the ability to be completely infuriated with my school and yet too lax to really care whatsoever. It's kind of like superheated water. The temperature is enough to boil, but it just sits there smooth and innocent looking, because there's no friction in the container to allow the bubbles to form for it to boil.

I might not get to graduate, because I might end up losing credit in Berb's class for all my truancies. Something inside me said I should maybe feel a bit panicked, or worried, but I just kind of laughed. I mean, kids who got straight Ds and drank themselves drooling dumb every week end get to graduate, but a goody-two-shoes girl has to go to summer school because her fucked up school system is jinking her credits because her parents can never manage to call her in sick when she is? It's ridiculous. All I can do is laugh. It might be kind of fun to go to graduation just to watch, just to see how people react when I'm sitting with the audience and not wearing the hideous golden tablecloth my parents paid $30 for.

What's great is I had no idea. My mom showed me a paper saying I had three truancies, and the date was May 5th. I know I've skipped school since then, not including senior ditch day, and so it's not hard for me to believe that I've earned the five truancies to get to lose my credits. So, the attendance office has the time to call me down and say how I shouldn't leave without coming in and saying goodbye because it's such a big scary world out there I might die driving home and they might actually have to be responsible for something. I can totally understand how IMPORTANT that is, I mean especially compared to such unimportant things like whether I can graduate or whether I can go to college next year. So, of course, no need to call me down to the office to warn me about silly things like that.

On top of that, teachers are giving out homework still and I can't do it. I can't even bring myself to copy homework from other people anymore. It just doesn't matter to me anymore. Nothing does - but high school is definitely lower on the list. I know I should care, and I'm a little worried about how I really don't care, but nothing's going to change. If San Marin is going to be the one to pull the plug on my life and throw me for some forced changes, so be it. It has to happen sooner or later. Obviously I'm beyond self-improvement, so it's probably going to take some near-death experience to get me to give a shit at this point.

In happier news, Andre got two Robo dwarf hamsters today. They're are the stupidest, most adorable things you'll ever see. There's a fat one named Penny and a skinny one named Melly, who's completely obsessed with the wheel. She hasn't gotten off of it since we put her in the cage.